Christmas Contest Entry: The Knight Before Christmas (ID 10836)

Uptown Knight was hoping for a relaxing evening on watch at BADGE H.Q.,, as he was still recovering from a turkey coma a few weeks ago.  It was a few days before Christmas, and most of the Avengers were at the annual Festivus party; it was about the time they were seeing who could make the most creative shapes out of the aluminum pole.  (Tensile strength was no match for super strength.)      

When the call to find Santa came in, Uptown knew where to look first.  Krampus had a love for irony, so Uptown set the omniscope to Santa Claus, Indiana.  There were many of Santa's helpers, and some residual magic, but nothing indicating the jolly elf's specific location.   Even the usually-reliable closed amusement park was not getting a reaction.  He reached for an energy bar to help his thinking, and accidentally tapped the 'scope.  He was surprised when he saw the magic tracer nearly overload its silver-and-iron circuitry; as it was his Hatorade began boiling on the control panel.

Of course.  Krampus wanted to get EVEN, so he hid Santa in EVANs-ville.  Even with the teleporter booth, there was no time to waste.  Uptown set the coordinates, sent out a request for backup, and jumped straight there.  He knew he was in the right spot as soon as he saw Santa on the roof of a shopping center, hands and feet tied behind his back, but with fake robotic arms so that he looked perfectly safe.  It was diabolical--but even more so was the second Santa across the roof.  Uptown knew it was a trick from Krampus--one was clearly an evil clone.  The other had his sleigh, halfway between them,  but the reindeer had been let loose and were flying around in the distance.  

One Santa had to be saved, and one Santa arrested--but which one?

"Uptown, save me!" shouted one Santa.  

"Uptown, you were always a good boy, save the REAL Santa!" shouted the second.

"You know I have super-hearing, right?" asked Uptown.  

"Of course, sorry." The first Santa continued, "please untie me so we can get on with Christmas."

"Yes, save ME, and save Christmas."  Said the second one.

"OK, to save confusion, I'll refer to you as Santa Right" he said, pointing at one, "and you Santa Left." he said, pointing to the other.

"Good," said Santa Right, "that means you know he's the sinister one."
"It's just a name."  Said Santa Left.  "And before you ask, Krampus gave the evil clone all of Santa's memories, so asking about that drum set when you were eight won't help."

"He was nine."  corrected Santa Right.

"I was ten." explained Uptown.  "But your memories aren't the best--how about morality?"

"What do you mean?" asked the Santas, in unison.

"Well, for instance, why do some good kids get a lot from you when some kids get little or nothing?  That hardly seems fair.  Santa Left, you go first."

"Umm...." stammered Santa Left.

"I've got this one." explained Santa Right.  "They don't."

"See, he's the clone!" shouted Santa Left.

Uptown winced.  "Again, super hearing.  Go on, Santa Right."

For a moment, Santa Right showed the years he was rumored to have lived.  He sighed, and went on:
"I only leave one present for each young person.  Usually, it's something elves can actually make, like a ball or something you can knit, like a pair of socks or a scarf.  But most kids want more than that, and most parents want what they can do for their kids."

"So you just take the credit?" Uptown felt his anger rising at this injustice.  Santa Left was smiling, sensing victory.

"No, of course not!" exclaimed Santa Right, and more than his cheeks were turning rosy.  "I hate false credit, and I hate letting down really good kids.  I know their parents mean well, but it creates a conflict no one needs.  Sometimes I don't even go to their houses at all if I know they're giving me too much credit.  I love everybody, and I'm good, but I'm not omnipotent.  That's why I can't even escape these ropes; they're not enough like a chimney.  If I'm covered up, I don't have any magic at all."

Uptown walked over to Santa Left, and looked him in the eye.

"Do you believe all that nonsense?" Asked Santa Left.

"No, of course not."  Uptown picked up Santa's sack from his sleigh.  It was empty, but a quick peek inside showed it to be bigger on the inside.  Much bigger.  He walked over to Santa Left, stood behind him, and opened the sack.

"I believe in people, and in Christmas." said Uptown, and shoved the false Santa into the bag.  Then he turned and quickly untied Santa Right, the real Santa.  Uptown had his faith confirmed by the twinkle.  

"Will you be able to get around in time?" asked Uptown.  "I could help."

Santa said "Thank you, but I've seen how well you wrap presents.  I can use this other guy; most clones aren't really evil, they just lack a morality gene.  The elves have a few extra in the shop, so I'll have an extra hand.  And speaking of help...although your friends just stopped Krampus, can I drop you back off at your headquarters?"

"Sure, Santa, that'd be great!" said Uptown.

Santa continued, "Happy to return a favor.  But I have to ask, how did you know?"

"It was easy, Santa."  Uptown smiled and said, "It's not a political thing..."

"Good, because I don't do politics." said Santa.

Uptown continued, "... but at this time of year, it's important to know Right from wrong."

For the first time in his existence, Santa didn't laugh.