Contest Entry: The Flatulent Cow

Contest Entry
ID# 12326

In a universe far far away, not unlike this universe, but in a different dimension, there lived a traveler, who, on a cold winter's night, was reading a book.

The traveler's name was Frozen Flatulence, and she lived on Titania, one of the moons of a planet called Uranus.

On Titania, every night is a cold winter's night.

Frozen liked to travel. She did so by creating a tiny wormhole in the space-time fabric - known also as an Einstein-Rosen Bridge - to get to her desired destination.        

That night, as she was reading, a rogue wormhole inadvertently appeared before her. Little did she know that the other end of the wormhole led to a planet called Earth. Not the same Earth as Frozen's solar system, but a different Earth in a parallel universe.

That Earth had the misfortune, at that time, of being invaded by aliens known as The Legion. In preparing the planet's ecosystem to make it habitable for themselves, the aliens saturated the atmosphere with particles called Morphons. Those particles, in turned out, had unintended consequences for other life forms on the planet.

Apparently, it also had unintended consequences for life on Titania.

For at the moment that the rogue wormhole appeared that winter's night, Morphons from Earth slipped through and altered Frozen's biochemistry. The wormhole only lasted a second, but its effect on Frozen was permanent.

She found that she now had the ability to freeze gasses and manipulate them in various ways. She especially liked to freeze methane, which was widely available from Uranus.

With her newly-acquired ability, Frozen traveled the universe freezing villains with her noisome gasses.

One day, she decided to visit Earth through a wormhole. (This was the Earth of her dimension, not the one that was invaded by The Legion.)

Unfortunately, the wormhole she was in terminated inside the bowels of a cow.

Unable to get out, Frozen, resorted to desperate measures to get attention from anyone who might be able to save her. She tried to freeze the gasses in the cow but didn't want to hurt it. To make matters worse, the cow was feeling constipated. Frozen was stuck inside for days.

Finally, she had the idea to manipulate the gasses in the cow, causing them to expand and contract rhythmically. By precisely controlling the rhythm of the cow's gaseous emissions, she could send a morse code to whoever was passing by.

It so happened that, at that moment, a stanger called Quark was in the vicinity. He heard the distress call and teleported into the cow and saved Frozen.

Freed from the constipated cow, Frozen thanked Quark, "You are the wings beneath my wind!"

Years later, in a fortuitous turn of events, Frozen would find a wormhole to another Earth in a parallel universe: the Earth that was being invaded by The Legion, and encounter the aliens and their Morphons once more.