Rainbow Legacies Christmas 11166

Rainbow Legacies Christmas

Missed the deadline but this is what I was going to enter:

A Very Merry Rainbows Legacies Christmas Special

PB and Underwatch were feeding the homeless for Thanksgiving. They had donated 850 pounds of turkey to their local shelter.  A local news airhead was gloating that the predicted giant turkey attack had failed to materialise. PB responded with a polite “You’re welcome” when their BADGE communicators squawked. Evidently Santa was missing and the demonic embodiment of bad parenting had gotten a Morphon boost.

PB and Underwatch found the nearest closet to teleport to Santa’s workshop. “How do you want to do this, bro?” PB asked his twin.

“Dickens?” asked Underwatch.

“In less than a thousand words? Peanuts?”

“As amusing as Linus, his blanket and a scrawny tree would be against the minions of a child eating, morphon enhanced demon, I think not, and we just did Toons.”

Underwatch opened the closet door, they walked through, suffered a moment of vertigo as the world readjusted, and had his eyes assaulted by a red glow, accompanied by a chiming humm. A reedy voice greeted them with “Tell us what you did with Santa.”

PB moaned, “Stop motion animation it is.”

Underwatch laughed “Well we can scratch it off the list. We won’t have to try to ‘pay homage’ to Wallace and Grommett now. Turn off the light show, Rudolph were the good guys.”

“But you’re dressed naughty.” intoned the red nosed reindeer.

“I’m very good at it though.” PB said with a wink and a saucy smirk.

Rudolph just looked confused.

Underwatch just laughed. “Don’t worry about it, Rudolph.”  He quipped while thinking at his brother, :Neon nose. Dare you not to laugh:

:Challenge accepted. I’ll stay here and deal with the musical numbers and dated special effects. You go check on Danny.:

:Yeah, I don’t like splitting the team but we need verify that theory we’ve been working on. Having Danny and Santa in two verified locations would be fairly solid proof, but if Danny’s gone too there might be clues at the bar.:

Underwatch stepped into the closet and vanished.

“Okay Rudolph, :Keeper of the Burnished Beak:  How do you think we should start?:”

“I think we do it the same way you start any task," upbeat tinny music started to play as Rudolph continued, “You just put one step in front of the other.”

PB would have rolled his eyes but the facial expressions of stop motion are not subtle and he wanted to stay on the good list. So he patiently endured the musical number, applauding politely when the reindeer finished.

“I meant do you have any idea where he might be?”

“No sir.”

“Do you have any of his gear or his sleigh? I can try a tracking spell.”

Mrs. Claus entered, “I’m sorry dear they vanished about the same time he did. The only thing we have are the crumbs from the cookie he was eating.”

PB got a shifty gleam in his eye. “Give me the crumbs, please. I’ll also need a bowl of water, a needle, a cork, and some red paint”

The elves burst into song and scrambled to gather the requested supplies.

“What are you going to do dear?” Mrs. Claus inquired.

“Make a cookie compass and hope Santa has a slow metabolism.” He replied while painting half of the needle red, glued it to the cork and glued the cookie crumbs to the red end of the needle. “With a little luck these crumbs will lead us to the rest of the cookies.”

He began focusing his will. Bells began to chime, musical notes rose expectantly around him, the elves, the reindeer, the sentient toys, and Mrs. Claus looked on...as nothing happened.

PB tried again with the same results

PB blushed, “This has never happened to me before.”

“Have you forgotten the words, dear?”

“Words?” PB asked with a look of dawning horror.

“Yes, dear, the words. Any magic I’ve ever seen has been sung.”

“I should have been a dentist.” He thought to himself He focussed his will, the music rose and he launched into an innuendo laced ditty that used words that stopped just short of landing him on the naughty list.

This time light gathered and was drawn into the needle, which spun until it pointed in one direction. Since there’s probably no gay bar here, can I get a ride, Rudolph? :Oh bearer of the Shiny Schnozzle.: PB was so busy being clever he failed to notice several of the elves blush  and fidget in embarrassment.

:Good one, Bro.: Underwatch commented as PB and Rudolph flew off. :Danny’s safe. He says his rider is sleeping.  Has been since the survivors came to this reality. He said someone else was already handling the job here. Looks like our suspicions are correct.:

PB looked apprehensive as he thought :This world apparently has magic separate from the courts. Seems like it’s based on combat rather than patronage.:

:Yup,: Underwatch picked up the thread of thought, :So what I’d do is swipe Santa’s gear so he’s fighting at a disadvantage; give the gear to some stooges and have them attack Santa to gain his power.:

PB finished, :Leaving the darkside all the power and unopposed. Sounds like a good theory. Now I just have to find the stooges before they find…:

PB was interrupted by an energy blast. Rudolph spun around. PB and Rudy were under attack.  
As expected he saw santa’s sleigh being piloted by two figures a muscular, middle aged man, with salt and pepper hair and goatee wearing Santa’s pants, boots, hat and suspenders; and a drag queen wearing the coat, and belt. The oversized gear fitting them like a dress.

“Oh goody” PB, dead panned “It’s Daddy and Mary Christmas.”

“That’s not our..” Daddy Christmas began as Mary Interrupted, “...That’s actually better than the ones we came up with.”

“Can we just fight.” PB asked sullenly, “We’re starting to run long and you  two haven’t figured out how magic operates here.” He smirked and glanced at the toy ray blasters the villains were using instead of magic.

He began to sing. He sang a song of battle and glory. He sang of hope and the true meaning of Christmas. He pretty much sang whatever popped into his head and the song boosted the power of his own gear.  He made short work of the noobs.

They conveniently dropped Santa’s gear in the fight. PB Scrounged in his new sleigh. He decided some empty toy sacks were good enough for them to wear.
“Here’s the deal, losers, take me to Santa, or I leave you here.” PB threatened.

A short flight later Santa was freed. He expressed his gratitude by bursting into song and punching PB in the face, knocking him out in one punch.

After donning his gear and returning to the workshop Santa was nice enough to heal PB.  “Sorry kid, Them’s the rules.” He said apologetically.  “I’ll drop you off at home, I’ve got just enough time left before Christmas to get some payback from the Krampus.”

“Thanks.” PB said while rubbing his jaw. “At least we don’t have to do a musical episode now.”

:Think I’ll get a top for Christmas?: PB thought at his twin.

Rudolph sauntered over to a toy rack of childrens’ toys, grabbed a brightly colored toy top in his mouth. He spat it at PB’s feet. :You might still be on the naughty list @$$holes: