VILLAINS INC contest entry #12205

VILLAINS INC.

Nova shouted at Shinobi, “You have been working the patrol around this new league called Villains Inc., What have you learned? Who are they? Are they really villains?”

“Well boss, I’ve been working on improving my skills where I use my powers of invisibility, camouflage and stillness to infiltrate and spy on ….”

“Yeah, hollered Nova, “Just tell me what you have learned!”

“Okay…..geez you old geezer, I’m getting to it.”

“They call themselves Villains Inc. and they consider themselves as the Four Horsemen and The Five seals. They kind of sound like a 50’s Doo Wop group but I assure you they are far from it.”

“Their call signs are Catalyst, Nemesis, Crossbones, Martial Law, Chromatic Death, Sarge, Duckbutter, Darkvenge, Rogue, Diesel, Trona, War Wolf, Robbie, Bobby, Ricky and Mike, and Ralph and Johnny too. Those last six are new editions.”

“Their leader is called Catalyst or the Horseman Famine. He is a thin fellow and jokes about fasts taking too long…but seriously, he propels other leagues to uncertain situations that are favorable to the Villain’s league.”

“Nemesis is the Horseman of War and he practices his war speech, which he recites aloud in a thunderous voice before each league wars to intimidate the opposition.  He has to practice the thunderous voice part. Normally his voice is really high pitched like that one pirate in that Johnny Deppo movie. You wouldn’t believe it unless you heard it though. The speech goes like this …”

“Abandon all hope. Oh ye who stand before me. War is upon your horizon and Famine, Pestilence and Death follow behind me or something like that.”

“Crossbones is the Horseman of Death, a big ole sweetheart of a guy until you make the list. Try and not make the list, not many escape the clutches of Death.”

“Martial Law is the last Horseman. He is Pestilence. He rides through the desert on a pale horse with no name and he spreads disease and plagues that divide and conquer.”

“Chromatic Death used to play the guitar on the MTV but now he and Sarge just like to boot stomp for fun.”

“The others are seals, that when broken, bring upon the world the destruction of an Apocalyptic nature or maybe they just get hungry for fish. That part may not be right but be warned and be weary for time is short. The five seals train constantly.”

“Well, the sound fairly ominous, Nova quipped. They could be a problem for those who are weapons of mass destruction. Is there anything else?”

“Yes, they portray destruction but have a few weaknesses. You ain’t gonna believe this.”

“Explain, remarked Nova.”

“They give each other a hard time. They like busting balls but all in good fun. They seem to think it makes them stronger, especially after a long week of breaking bodies.”

“What do you mean? Nova replied.”

“Well, you ain’t gonna believe this but they make fun of each other sometimes which can be quite entertaining but still take care of each other. For example, Martial Law has taken up dancing and wants to learn the Texas Two Step to get with the hotties. He went to Chromatic Death for help for some proper country tunes to learn by the other day. Here’s how it went down.”

“Hey Chrome!”

“Whatta ya want now Law?”

“I need a little help man. I’m trying to learn the Texas Two Step so I can score with the ladies this weekend and I need a good country song to practice with.”

Chrome looked at Law and laughed. “Man, you know I don’t do country music but I can teach you the Texas Two Stomp.”

“Awe, come on Chrome. I know you gotta have at least one country song in ya to help me out.”

“Well, I do have one, Chrome laughed, but you ain’t gonna like it but its country.”

“Law said, Well I don’t care just get to it.”

“Chrome smiles and starts pickin an awesome country riff and belting out the Rodeo Song by Gary Lee and the Showdown.”

“Its allemande left and allemande right, Come on dummy get your right step right. Get off the stage you goof you know…”

Everyone was watching Law learn to dance but nearly lost his mind when he heard that fourth verse and everyone else in the room fell out laughing.

Law got hot and stormed out. “I would have been better off playing Just Dance.”

Nova quipped, “Really? That’s rather amusing. What else?”

“Well, Shinobi replied, you ain’t gonna believe this but Catalyst got two black eyes this weekend at church and he tried to hide his face and slip by Nemesis as he came in the hideout but Nemesis don’t miss much and he didn’t miss this.”

Nemesis stopped Catalyst right before he reached his office door. “What the heck happened to you?”

“Well I was at church trying to get some blessings when the Preacher had everyone stand up to sing a hymnal and it was a hot muggy day and there was this rather large lady directly in front of me big enough to kind of block my view from the choir director and she was wearing a very big puffy dress. The problem was that the dress was stuck in a rather embarrassing position. The dress got tucked in between her… well you know…. Cheeks.”

“I thought to myself, this is a good chance to get extra blessings. I can’t let this lady be embarrassed by the predicament she was in so I slowly reached down and pulled out the tuck.”

“She didn’t take it well and turned and popped me right in the eye.”

“Well, that explains one eye, said Nemesis. How did you get the other black eye?”

“Nova asked me, really? How did he get the other black eye?”

“Well apparently, Catalyst, still a little groggy, felt bad for what he done and tried to tuck it back in and she popped the other eye.”

It was funny when he told Nemesis that. Nemesis laughed hard and said, “Well, it’s clear you ain’t no Kancho master.”

“It was even funnier when Catalyst realized I had accidently knocked the intercom switch to the on position and the whole hideout heard it.”

Nova said to Shinobi, “So to wrap up and summarize your report, Villains Inc. is a formidable tight knit league out for destruction of evil.”

“Pretty much Boss.”

“Excellent report Shinobi. By the way, are you limping a little?”

“Uhm yeah. You ain’t gonna believe this but Catalyst thought it would be funny to shoot me in the rear with a lightning bolt for the whole intercom thing. I got to go Boss. I need some ice for my … “

Nova quickly interrupted, “Dismissed!”